I have a bad habit. One I am working very hard to break. I have been way too judgemental in my life. For all of you I have judged, I am truly sorry. I'm not sure where I got into that habit. I don't remember being overly judgemental in high school Maybe is was because I didn't really think I was anything special back then. I was an average athlete and a slightly above average student. I wasn't president of anything and rarely was the team captain. I had plenty of great friends and really wasn't one of those people who needed or wanted to be hang out with the "popular crowd."
But somewhere along the way I became overly judgemental. I think it was in part due to a realization that I wasn't a good or smart as I thought I was. I started to get myself involved in things where I was the leader and I really wasn't ready to lead. So I think my judgement came from a sense of insecurity on my part, a defense mechanism to find fault in others so that I could rise above them.
At that time I wanted to hold in everything, manipulate the process of whatever I was working on and not delegate the details. In part because delegating would reveal that I wasn't capable of whatever I was tasked to lead. It's truly funny to me now how afraid I was to delegate, because now I tend to over delegate.
Understanding how judgemental I was came in part from my new found faith. I don't lace scripture often in this blog, but I will now as it emphasises my point. I was reading Matthew and came across this:
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Mathew 7: 1-2
And it started to help me begin to realize several things. First, others were judging me just as harshly as I was judging them. Second, what business of mine was it to somehow rank, place or evaluate other people's abilities. The more I thought about it and talked about it with my friends, the more I came to realize just how destructive I had become. For those that know me well, I'm sure you have seen this in me. For those that don't or maybe have only known me the past few years, maybe this is a surprise. But the truth is I let my mouth serve as my weapon and I made ill advised comments in many arenas in my life.
Now I know that this is like many other forms of addiction. And like other addictions there are people I may have hurt or disappointed who now have fairly judged me as someone they don't want to be around. But, like other addicts, all you can do is press forward one day at a time, repair relationships where you can, and make sure that new relationships are built on a more firm foundation.
Keep the change!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Oranges!
Ok, so since this is my blog, it's ok if I think something is the greatest gift, food wise, from God. And I just happen to think there is no finer food in this world of ours than oranges. Of course I'm partial to the color orange being an Illini and all, but that's not why I love them.
Oranges are the perfect combination of sweetness, texture, ease of consumption and overall flavor. Not all oranges mind you. I'm very much biased toward navel oranges. I've eaten more than my share in my life. And this time of year is my favorite for two reasons.
1. The weather warms up, and I truly hate cold weather
and
2. Oranges are in season.
(3. would normally be the start of March Madness, which I love, except when my team is playing awful and I know it will be an early exit from the tourney)
So why an orange vs say, all the other fruits in the world
Here's my logic. Let me take a few popular other varieties.
Apples - Good flavor. Not too juicy. But after a few, they are just boring. They are good alternatives to Oranges in the off season.
Peach - Come on, just what do you do with the pits. They are good, but often too messy.
Nectarine - Hard to get a ripe one. Nearly perfect, but once again the pit gets in the way.
Tangerine - Love them, however one tangerine does not equal one orange in volume or flavor. Often have seeds as well.
Banana - Just not enough in each serving. Again ok, but boring after long stretches.
Pears - Probably biased here because they are either not ripe enough, or too ripe. Hard to get the perfect pear. But good when you finally get one.
Tomato - Yes a tomato is a fruit. Love them off the vine! My second favorite to oranges when they are in season.
So, that''s my lesson for the day. Oranges Rock! (and a good gift idea as well if you are wondering what you should buy me! )
Keep the change!
Oranges are the perfect combination of sweetness, texture, ease of consumption and overall flavor. Not all oranges mind you. I'm very much biased toward navel oranges. I've eaten more than my share in my life. And this time of year is my favorite for two reasons.
1. The weather warms up, and I truly hate cold weather
and
2. Oranges are in season.
(3. would normally be the start of March Madness, which I love, except when my team is playing awful and I know it will be an early exit from the tourney)
So why an orange vs say, all the other fruits in the world
Here's my logic. Let me take a few popular other varieties.
Apples - Good flavor. Not too juicy. But after a few, they are just boring. They are good alternatives to Oranges in the off season.
Peach - Come on, just what do you do with the pits. They are good, but often too messy.
Nectarine - Hard to get a ripe one. Nearly perfect, but once again the pit gets in the way.
Tangerine - Love them, however one tangerine does not equal one orange in volume or flavor. Often have seeds as well.
Banana - Just not enough in each serving. Again ok, but boring after long stretches.
Pears - Probably biased here because they are either not ripe enough, or too ripe. Hard to get the perfect pear. But good when you finally get one.
Tomato - Yes a tomato is a fruit. Love them off the vine! My second favorite to oranges when they are in season.
So, that''s my lesson for the day. Oranges Rock! (and a good gift idea as well if you are wondering what you should buy me! )
Keep the change!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
As the ball bounces...35 years in striped shirts
Many of you know that I referee basketball. In fact I am completing my 35th year refereeing basketball this season. That is a long time! I played basketball in high school and got to know a few local referees. They encouraged me to get started, and when I came to college I saw a poster for jobs on campus refereeing at IMPE (that's the ARC for the newer students). I estimate I have officiated over 4,000 games in my life. More than 1000 of those were in my first four years when it wasn't uncommon for me to referee 8-10 games a day. There were always games to work in the intramural program and the park district. And high school games at the freshmen level never ended.
You figure that out in time spent and you get over 166 twenty four hour days spent on the court and when you include travel time, waiting time, clinics, meetings and seminars I have probably spent close to a year and a half of my life with basketball. I guess I should have learned something in that amount of time.
Some of my very best friends are referees. LOL, that is the kind of comment that will get you committed. But it's true. There is a sort of fraternal bond that comes from suiting up in the stripes and taking on the nightly challenge of officiating the perfect game. Now I'm not saying at all I have ever accomplished that feat. But I've tried, and along with my partners have come close a few times.
I get asked a lot what the hardest call in basketball is. TV announcers will say it's the block/charge. What do they know? It's certainly not the easiest call as it tends to happen quickly. But it's not the hardest. I tend to think half court traps at center court are hard to get right. Largely due to the fact you can't always get in good position to see the play. There are lots of bodies between you and the action so it makes it harder.
I've learned a lot about life running up and down wood floors. I want to share with you some of life's lessons I learned officiating basketball.
1. Rules are important, but they shouldn't rule your life.
The game is filled with rules, traveling, double dribble, in bounds, out of bounds, back court, 3 seconds. But the rules are written to make sure someone doesn't gain an unfair advantage. I think we should live our lives that way too. If you think about the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer maybe that makes more sense. If a player is straddling the paint, and he doesn't get the ball, technically it's 3 seconds, but in fact he or she hasn't gotten an advantage. Sort of like the person who drives 70 in a 65 speed zone. It's broken rule, but ..
2. When you hustle to get in good position, you're more likely to get the call right.
Basketball officiating relies on you seeing the call correctly. If you get yourself in the right position to see it, you're more likely to get it right. If that means moving a bit to the left or right or running just a little bit faster, then you need to do it. Life is like that too, sometimes we sit back and wait for life to knock on our doors. If you get up off the couch and work hard to interact with the world, you're more likely to get life right.
3. Trust your partner.
In basketball officials have areas on the court that are your primary area of responsibility. So for example if you are under the basket, your primary area may be in the lane. When you are an outside official, your primary area might be the top of the key. We get in trouble as officials when we try to see and call fouls in someone else's primary area. In fact studies show 75% of calls made outside your primary area are wrong. So, you have to trust your partner to make the right call. Hmm, doesn't that seem to carry over to work, relationships and family? If someone is focused on something outside of your "area" isn't it more likely they may get it right?
4. Let the game come to you.
Don't confuse this with my earlier point of getting in good position. What I mean by this is that sometimes we try to force our will on the game. We start calling every touch foul, every violation, every little thing that happens. Instead, sometimes we just need to let the game flow. Stay focused on our responsibility and react to the action on the floor instead of creating action. I know in my life there are times when I have tried to make things change that may not of needed changing. You may call that stubbornness. Life is more fun when you interact with your surrounding rather than constantly react to every little change.
5. Even when you're right, sometimes you're wrong.
I said earlier that I've officiated over 4000 games in my life. Just imagine that in an average game the referee might have to make 50 decisions. Did she travel? Was that a foul? Did the clock expire before the shot? I'll use 50 for this example but I'm guessing the number is much higher, maybe 100 decisions per game. Anyway, I can honestly say I have never tried to change a game or change a call based on the team, the coach, the player, the circumstance, based on anything. Have I missed a call? You bet. I probably miss 2 or 3 or more every game. Sometimes I just don't have the right angle. Sometimes I see the play and don't react quickly enough. Sometimes I see it and decide to let it go. But I don't get them all right.
Do the missed calls haunt me? Not really. It's part of the game and I'm only human. For the most part I have forgotten about the game within a few days whether good or bad. Not that there aren't calls and games that haunt me. Using the earlier example I said there 50 calls a game over 4000 games, that's more than 200,000 calls in my life. Of those 200,000 there are 4 calls I made that I think about. They happened at important times in the games making them more memorable. Did I call them right? For 3 of the 4 I think I did. However, I may not have been in the right position. I called what I saw, and others saw it differently. For the 4th call, I would say I just flat out called it wrong. But, just like in life, when you thought you made the right decisions based on the information you had at the time, you still may have made the wrong decision. Basketball is no different.
6. Even when you're wrong, sometimes you're right
On the flip side of the previous argument is the idea there are calls in basketball I thought I got wrong that later proved to be right. Again, it may have been a guess, a result of not being in the right position, but in the end, it was the right call. Or maybe it was a technical foul when a coach or player crossed the line only to find out later they were drunk, or high or having other issues. So, it's OK to guess once in a while and make the best choice you can.
7. But, when you know you're wrong, admit it and move on...
In basketball there are no do overs. There are times when you just flat out anticipate the action and make the wrong call. It looked like she was going to foul, but didn't. Or maybe it looked like the home team was going to tap the ball out of bounds but didn't. Unfortunately, once you blow the whistle you're stuck with the call. And sometimes your mouth gets ahead of your brain and makes a call that your brain doesn't agree with. With an out of bounds call your partner (trust your partner) can help you. But with a foul for example it's pretty hard to take it back. So, you live with it. If a coach asks me what I was thinking, I may just say
"I may have missed that one." Great coaches understand and move on. Great referees do the same.
I've had lots of fun blowing the whistle. It's a great game to watch and be a part of. But then, so is life in general.
You figure that out in time spent and you get over 166 twenty four hour days spent on the court and when you include travel time, waiting time, clinics, meetings and seminars I have probably spent close to a year and a half of my life with basketball. I guess I should have learned something in that amount of time.
Some of my very best friends are referees. LOL, that is the kind of comment that will get you committed. But it's true. There is a sort of fraternal bond that comes from suiting up in the stripes and taking on the nightly challenge of officiating the perfect game. Now I'm not saying at all I have ever accomplished that feat. But I've tried, and along with my partners have come close a few times.
I get asked a lot what the hardest call in basketball is. TV announcers will say it's the block/charge. What do they know? It's certainly not the easiest call as it tends to happen quickly. But it's not the hardest. I tend to think half court traps at center court are hard to get right. Largely due to the fact you can't always get in good position to see the play. There are lots of bodies between you and the action so it makes it harder.
I've learned a lot about life running up and down wood floors. I want to share with you some of life's lessons I learned officiating basketball.
1. Rules are important, but they shouldn't rule your life.
The game is filled with rules, traveling, double dribble, in bounds, out of bounds, back court, 3 seconds. But the rules are written to make sure someone doesn't gain an unfair advantage. I think we should live our lives that way too. If you think about the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer maybe that makes more sense. If a player is straddling the paint, and he doesn't get the ball, technically it's 3 seconds, but in fact he or she hasn't gotten an advantage. Sort of like the person who drives 70 in a 65 speed zone. It's broken rule, but ..
2. When you hustle to get in good position, you're more likely to get the call right.
Basketball officiating relies on you seeing the call correctly. If you get yourself in the right position to see it, you're more likely to get it right. If that means moving a bit to the left or right or running just a little bit faster, then you need to do it. Life is like that too, sometimes we sit back and wait for life to knock on our doors. If you get up off the couch and work hard to interact with the world, you're more likely to get life right.
3. Trust your partner.
In basketball officials have areas on the court that are your primary area of responsibility. So for example if you are under the basket, your primary area may be in the lane. When you are an outside official, your primary area might be the top of the key. We get in trouble as officials when we try to see and call fouls in someone else's primary area. In fact studies show 75% of calls made outside your primary area are wrong. So, you have to trust your partner to make the right call. Hmm, doesn't that seem to carry over to work, relationships and family? If someone is focused on something outside of your "area" isn't it more likely they may get it right?
4. Let the game come to you.
Don't confuse this with my earlier point of getting in good position. What I mean by this is that sometimes we try to force our will on the game. We start calling every touch foul, every violation, every little thing that happens. Instead, sometimes we just need to let the game flow. Stay focused on our responsibility and react to the action on the floor instead of creating action. I know in my life there are times when I have tried to make things change that may not of needed changing. You may call that stubbornness. Life is more fun when you interact with your surrounding rather than constantly react to every little change.
5. Even when you're right, sometimes you're wrong.
I said earlier that I've officiated over 4000 games in my life. Just imagine that in an average game the referee might have to make 50 decisions. Did she travel? Was that a foul? Did the clock expire before the shot? I'll use 50 for this example but I'm guessing the number is much higher, maybe 100 decisions per game. Anyway, I can honestly say I have never tried to change a game or change a call based on the team, the coach, the player, the circumstance, based on anything. Have I missed a call? You bet. I probably miss 2 or 3 or more every game. Sometimes I just don't have the right angle. Sometimes I see the play and don't react quickly enough. Sometimes I see it and decide to let it go. But I don't get them all right.
Do the missed calls haunt me? Not really. It's part of the game and I'm only human. For the most part I have forgotten about the game within a few days whether good or bad. Not that there aren't calls and games that haunt me. Using the earlier example I said there 50 calls a game over 4000 games, that's more than 200,000 calls in my life. Of those 200,000 there are 4 calls I made that I think about. They happened at important times in the games making them more memorable. Did I call them right? For 3 of the 4 I think I did. However, I may not have been in the right position. I called what I saw, and others saw it differently. For the 4th call, I would say I just flat out called it wrong. But, just like in life, when you thought you made the right decisions based on the information you had at the time, you still may have made the wrong decision. Basketball is no different.
6. Even when you're wrong, sometimes you're right
On the flip side of the previous argument is the idea there are calls in basketball I thought I got wrong that later proved to be right. Again, it may have been a guess, a result of not being in the right position, but in the end, it was the right call. Or maybe it was a technical foul when a coach or player crossed the line only to find out later they were drunk, or high or having other issues. So, it's OK to guess once in a while and make the best choice you can.
7. But, when you know you're wrong, admit it and move on...
In basketball there are no do overs. There are times when you just flat out anticipate the action and make the wrong call. It looked like she was going to foul, but didn't. Or maybe it looked like the home team was going to tap the ball out of bounds but didn't. Unfortunately, once you blow the whistle you're stuck with the call. And sometimes your mouth gets ahead of your brain and makes a call that your brain doesn't agree with. With an out of bounds call your partner (trust your partner) can help you. But with a foul for example it's pretty hard to take it back. So, you live with it. If a coach asks me what I was thinking, I may just say
"I may have missed that one." Great coaches understand and move on. Great referees do the same.
I've had lots of fun blowing the whistle. It's a great game to watch and be a part of. But then, so is life in general.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Goodbye to Brother Ralph D. "Dud" Daniel. A true gentleman, brother and friend!
So today I got the official word that Ralph D. "Dud" Daniel has joined our heavenly father. I thought I would share some "Dudley" stories with you all. For my friends who aren't "fraternity men", Ralph Daniel served our national fraternity for over 60 years. He was a charter member at our chapter at Arizona in 1947, and became the Executive Director of our national fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi, shortly after that. He served as assistant director for "Dab" Williams, who is a legendary alum from my own chapter at Illinois. In his 63 years of service, Dud became known to all as "Mr. Phi Psi." He lived and breathed our ideals, our morals and challenged us all to become better MEN. Not just fraternity men, but MEN who contributed to our communities, raised our families, and made this a better world to live in.
I first met Dud in 1977. He attended a district council meeting in Champaign. I was a newly initiated brother and was amazed at how he accepted everyone he met as a friend and a brother. Dud put the "Gentle" into the word gentleman. He had an ear for everyone he met, remembered names and faces like no one I've ever known, and became a friend for life at first meeting.
As an undergrad I shared time at meetings with Dud several times. My first Dud story happened in 1979. Our chapter was celebrating our 75th anniversary and we invited Dud to come join us for the festivities. Never one to miss an opportunity to spend time with undergrads and alums, Dud was there with no official duties, except perhaps to make certain the wine was properly chilled (FYI, if the wine wasn't chilled right Dud was known to drop an ice cube or two in the glass) and that everyone felt welcome.
After the festivities on a Sunday morning, Dud asked if I would take him on a campus walking tour. I proudly accepted, knowing full well that I was a walking encyclopedia on the campus! About 10 steps into the tour Dud pointed out the grave of John Gregory, the first president of the UI tucked neatly next to Altgeld Hall. I didn't know that was there, and how did he know?
A few steps later Dud spotted Illini Hall, and said, "that's where Dab Williams came up with the idea of Homecoming." As we walked by Lincoln Hall Dud pointed out the sculpture and carvings on the walls. Finally I said to Dud, "I thought I was giving this tour, how do you know so much about our campus." Dud apologized and said in his quiet, humble way, "Dab used to come back for homecoming every year and he would bring me. Over the years, I watched many of these buildings get built, and Dab of course had seen nearly all of them built. So I had a good tour guide!"
Thanks to Dab, Dud called our chapter "whiskey Delta" and Northwestern's chapter was "lemonade Alpha." Dud loved joke with the brothers from Northwestern and Illinois about that topic.
I was with Dud at a meeting in Chicago once and we were staying at the Union League Club downtown. Now we stayed there because it was cheap! Member's guests stayed there for a small fee, and we were both eager to save a buck. In the morning we met in the dining room for breakfast. Dud ordered a small bowl of fruit and a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch. Dud loved Raisin Bran Crunch, the perfect combination of flavor and crunch he said. Anyway, when his bill came he reached for the tab, and as he looked at the bill his eyes opened wide. His breakfast had cost $19. He put it down and said, "for $19 you would think they would have picked the fruit fresh this morning, and maybe given me a few extra raisins." Always the gentleman, Dud paid his bill, but he mentioned it to me several times that day and we joked about it as recently as last year at our annual convention.
There was a Fraternity Executive Leaders convention in Monticello every year, which is just west of Champaign. Dud would always call when he came to town to meet for coffee or lunch. One time he called and asked if I would join him in a tour of Alpha Tau Omega's new headquarters. Virtually every fraternity leader welcomed Dud when he visited, and ATO was no exception. I picked him up at the airport and we headed to the building. We were a bit early. Dud was always early, and one of the staffers volunteered to walk us through the building. They had photos of past presidents on the wall. Dud knew most of them and pointed them out to the ATO staffer and I. We were escorted into a large meeting room with lots of ATO paraphernalia. Dud looked at every thing, and then said to me, over here is hole in the floor where new initiates rise from the grave to become reborn. And behind this wall is a badge that lights up with all of the fraternity mystics. And he pointed out several other things. Now I don't know if he really knew this, or he was just having fun, but I guessed from the stunned expression on the ATO staffer's face that he was pretty close to the true meaning. I had another internal chuckle as I watched Dud show off his fraternal knowledge to an innocent stranger!
A few years back Dud returned for the 100th anniversary of our chapter. He had a very low key role presenting an award, but served as wine taster and reception host. Once again on the Sunday after the ceremonies Dud wanted a walking tour. This time I chose something that was built in the last 25 years. We walked through the Japanese gardens located to the west of the UI President's house. There are over 1000 floral displays there. I thought it would be a leisurely stroll through the grounds, but no, Dud had to stop and see every single flower. What I thought would be an hour walk turned into a 3 hour lecture about gardening. Who knew he knew so much? But it was a wonderful afternoon.
I was fortunate to know Ralph Daniel and spend time with him every time we were at the same event. He always found time to talk, even though there may have been 500 at the event who wanted to do the same. He was graceful, caring, engaging and loving. He never met a brother he didn't like, although he didn't understand a lot of them. And he has made my experience in Phi Kappa Psi better, just because I knew him.
Dud had a charge he gave us all at most of the meetings we attended. I'll share it now as it is how many of us were introduced to him, and challenged by him:
"Let us be what we say we are. A Fraternity, not a club, based on ideals and not expediency and run by men and not boys."
And our fraternity yell:
"High, High, High, Phi Kappa Psi, live ever, die never, Phi Kappa Psi."
I'll miss you Dudley. Keep the wine chilled in heaven for me.
I first met Dud in 1977. He attended a district council meeting in Champaign. I was a newly initiated brother and was amazed at how he accepted everyone he met as a friend and a brother. Dud put the "Gentle" into the word gentleman. He had an ear for everyone he met, remembered names and faces like no one I've ever known, and became a friend for life at first meeting.
As an undergrad I shared time at meetings with Dud several times. My first Dud story happened in 1979. Our chapter was celebrating our 75th anniversary and we invited Dud to come join us for the festivities. Never one to miss an opportunity to spend time with undergrads and alums, Dud was there with no official duties, except perhaps to make certain the wine was properly chilled (FYI, if the wine wasn't chilled right Dud was known to drop an ice cube or two in the glass) and that everyone felt welcome.
After the festivities on a Sunday morning, Dud asked if I would take him on a campus walking tour. I proudly accepted, knowing full well that I was a walking encyclopedia on the campus! About 10 steps into the tour Dud pointed out the grave of John Gregory, the first president of the UI tucked neatly next to Altgeld Hall. I didn't know that was there, and how did he know?
A few steps later Dud spotted Illini Hall, and said, "that's where Dab Williams came up with the idea of Homecoming." As we walked by Lincoln Hall Dud pointed out the sculpture and carvings on the walls. Finally I said to Dud, "I thought I was giving this tour, how do you know so much about our campus." Dud apologized and said in his quiet, humble way, "Dab used to come back for homecoming every year and he would bring me. Over the years, I watched many of these buildings get built, and Dab of course had seen nearly all of them built. So I had a good tour guide!"
Thanks to Dab, Dud called our chapter "whiskey Delta" and Northwestern's chapter was "lemonade Alpha." Dud loved joke with the brothers from Northwestern and Illinois about that topic.
I was with Dud at a meeting in Chicago once and we were staying at the Union League Club downtown. Now we stayed there because it was cheap! Member's guests stayed there for a small fee, and we were both eager to save a buck. In the morning we met in the dining room for breakfast. Dud ordered a small bowl of fruit and a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch. Dud loved Raisin Bran Crunch, the perfect combination of flavor and crunch he said. Anyway, when his bill came he reached for the tab, and as he looked at the bill his eyes opened wide. His breakfast had cost $19. He put it down and said, "for $19 you would think they would have picked the fruit fresh this morning, and maybe given me a few extra raisins." Always the gentleman, Dud paid his bill, but he mentioned it to me several times that day and we joked about it as recently as last year at our annual convention.
There was a Fraternity Executive Leaders convention in Monticello every year, which is just west of Champaign. Dud would always call when he came to town to meet for coffee or lunch. One time he called and asked if I would join him in a tour of Alpha Tau Omega's new headquarters. Virtually every fraternity leader welcomed Dud when he visited, and ATO was no exception. I picked him up at the airport and we headed to the building. We were a bit early. Dud was always early, and one of the staffers volunteered to walk us through the building. They had photos of past presidents on the wall. Dud knew most of them and pointed them out to the ATO staffer and I. We were escorted into a large meeting room with lots of ATO paraphernalia. Dud looked at every thing, and then said to me, over here is hole in the floor where new initiates rise from the grave to become reborn. And behind this wall is a badge that lights up with all of the fraternity mystics. And he pointed out several other things. Now I don't know if he really knew this, or he was just having fun, but I guessed from the stunned expression on the ATO staffer's face that he was pretty close to the true meaning. I had another internal chuckle as I watched Dud show off his fraternal knowledge to an innocent stranger!
A few years back Dud returned for the 100th anniversary of our chapter. He had a very low key role presenting an award, but served as wine taster and reception host. Once again on the Sunday after the ceremonies Dud wanted a walking tour. This time I chose something that was built in the last 25 years. We walked through the Japanese gardens located to the west of the UI President's house. There are over 1000 floral displays there. I thought it would be a leisurely stroll through the grounds, but no, Dud had to stop and see every single flower. What I thought would be an hour walk turned into a 3 hour lecture about gardening. Who knew he knew so much? But it was a wonderful afternoon.
I was fortunate to know Ralph Daniel and spend time with him every time we were at the same event. He always found time to talk, even though there may have been 500 at the event who wanted to do the same. He was graceful, caring, engaging and loving. He never met a brother he didn't like, although he didn't understand a lot of them. And he has made my experience in Phi Kappa Psi better, just because I knew him.
Dud had a charge he gave us all at most of the meetings we attended. I'll share it now as it is how many of us were introduced to him, and challenged by him:
"Let us be what we say we are. A Fraternity, not a club, based on ideals and not expediency and run by men and not boys."
And our fraternity yell:
"High, High, High, Phi Kappa Psi, live ever, die never, Phi Kappa Psi."
I'll miss you Dudley. Keep the wine chilled in heaven for me.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Harry Chapin Stories Part Two
So the big day came and I was off to Willard Airport to pick him up. We picked up Harry and immediately took him to Kam's for a press conference. It was in the basement of Kam's believe it or not and the local radio and TV stations were crowded in to hear the news. The mayors were there with their bright gold keys to the city and the proclamations were delivered. Harry had to leave for a minute to call President Carter. As I said earlier, Carter named him to a President's Council that day and Harry called into the announcement.
We had Harry for the day and we used all the time. First he went to Garcia's Pizza. Back in the day Garcia's was near the corner of Wright and Green where Coco Mera is now. Harry put on a blue denim Garcia's shirt and sold "Gutbusters" for $2. All proceeds to World Hunger Year. Ralph and Joe Tomato were there and enjoying every second of having Harry selling pizza in their store. After 30 minutes we went to Record Service. For the younger generation, Record Service was on Green Street across from what is now Subway. They sold real vinyl records and had a few hundred Chapin albums for him to sign and sell. Harry's record company manager made sure we didn't run out, and even brought us a few hundred albums for give aways later in the day.
Next stop was the Red Lion on Third and Green. The Red Lion still stands today, although it's much different than the old days. We charged a special admission there and Harry sang a song or three. And then we went across the street to the White Horse. There was a hamburger special there and Harry signed autographs for a fee. All in all we raised about $1500 in two and a half hours.
It was 5:30 and time for dinner. We sold raffle tickets to local sororities and had a special drawing the night before the show to announce the winner. Our National President, Ken Potter had flown in from Oregon for the event and he was going to pick the winner.
A quick aside here. About 3 days before the show Harry's agent called me and said he needed to know where Harry was going to be for dinner to put on the itinerary. I told him that I didn't know as we were going to pick the winner in two days. Well, he had to know now, so I had to "pick the winner."
So...I looked at the total tickets sold and from that determined that Pi Beta Phi was the winner. Pi Phis was only a block away from the Auditorium and it would make it easier to get Harry to the concert on time. So, Pi Phis won! It made it somewhat awkward the night of the drawing as I had to tell our National President to "randomly pick Pi Phis" from our batch of tickets. But he covered me well!
So we went to Pi Beta Phi for dinner. The lovely ladies of Pi Phi sang a serenade or two to Harry. And Harry leaned over to me and said, "go get my guitar so I can sing back." I raced over to the Auditorium and announced "I need Harry's guitar!' Of course the UI security team thought I was a lunatic, but one of his stage crew recognized me from my back stage ventures and said, "he's ok, he's a friend of Harry's."
So I took the guitar back and Harry sang to the women. They sang back, he sang, etc, etc.
In fact I looked up at the clock and it was 6:55 and we only had 5 minutes to get back to the stage for the real concert.
Harry put on a great show. He brought his entire band for the concerts which he rarely did at benefits. I remember Harry's brother Steve complaining because he didn't have a Steinway piano, and "how could a university as big at the UI not have a Steinway available," but that was the only complaint. Between shows we had set up an appearance at Kam's. Because the concert had sold out we worked out a deal where both shows were simulcast into Kam's. And Harry was going to arrive and sing a few songs between shows.
So we head out of the side door of the Auditorium to walk over to Kam's. Now picture 1800 people in line on the UI quad waiting to get in a show at 9:45 PM. Harry and I were walking by and Harry, always the jester, says "hey what's going on here?" Someone answered "we're going to a Chapin concert. Harry said, "he sucks, don't waste your time." And someone yelled "it's Harry....!!" So we start running full speed to Kam's to get away from the crowd.
We got back in time for the second show and afterwards had the band and Harry of course back at the fraternity house. At about 3 in the morning, Tom Kappelman and I got Harry into the back seat of his car and drove him to O'Hare.
We raised about $25,000 for World Hunger Year that day. In today's world that would probably be in the neighborhood of $150,000. And between the pizza slices, and the t-shirts sold, and record albums signed, touched a lot of people on one great day.
I suppose that the moral to this story is that it's ok to have a dream and follow it. Harry dreamed of a world where every person had a food to eat for every meal. Not because of food drives, but because people were taught how to raise and care for food and the land. A few years later Harry died in an auto accident on his way to a benefit concert. For me, Harry planted the seeds of always giving back. No matter what the cost was to you in time, or effort. I have tried to fertilize those seeds my whole life.
As Harry often said, "Keep the change!"
We had Harry for the day and we used all the time. First he went to Garcia's Pizza. Back in the day Garcia's was near the corner of Wright and Green where Coco Mera is now. Harry put on a blue denim Garcia's shirt and sold "Gutbusters" for $2. All proceeds to World Hunger Year. Ralph and Joe Tomato were there and enjoying every second of having Harry selling pizza in their store. After 30 minutes we went to Record Service. For the younger generation, Record Service was on Green Street across from what is now Subway. They sold real vinyl records and had a few hundred Chapin albums for him to sign and sell. Harry's record company manager made sure we didn't run out, and even brought us a few hundred albums for give aways later in the day.
Next stop was the Red Lion on Third and Green. The Red Lion still stands today, although it's much different than the old days. We charged a special admission there and Harry sang a song or three. And then we went across the street to the White Horse. There was a hamburger special there and Harry signed autographs for a fee. All in all we raised about $1500 in two and a half hours.
It was 5:30 and time for dinner. We sold raffle tickets to local sororities and had a special drawing the night before the show to announce the winner. Our National President, Ken Potter had flown in from Oregon for the event and he was going to pick the winner.
A quick aside here. About 3 days before the show Harry's agent called me and said he needed to know where Harry was going to be for dinner to put on the itinerary. I told him that I didn't know as we were going to pick the winner in two days. Well, he had to know now, so I had to "pick the winner."
So...I looked at the total tickets sold and from that determined that Pi Beta Phi was the winner. Pi Phis was only a block away from the Auditorium and it would make it easier to get Harry to the concert on time. So, Pi Phis won! It made it somewhat awkward the night of the drawing as I had to tell our National President to "randomly pick Pi Phis" from our batch of tickets. But he covered me well!
So we went to Pi Beta Phi for dinner. The lovely ladies of Pi Phi sang a serenade or two to Harry. And Harry leaned over to me and said, "go get my guitar so I can sing back." I raced over to the Auditorium and announced "I need Harry's guitar!' Of course the UI security team thought I was a lunatic, but one of his stage crew recognized me from my back stage ventures and said, "he's ok, he's a friend of Harry's."
So I took the guitar back and Harry sang to the women. They sang back, he sang, etc, etc.
In fact I looked up at the clock and it was 6:55 and we only had 5 minutes to get back to the stage for the real concert.
Harry put on a great show. He brought his entire band for the concerts which he rarely did at benefits. I remember Harry's brother Steve complaining because he didn't have a Steinway piano, and "how could a university as big at the UI not have a Steinway available," but that was the only complaint. Between shows we had set up an appearance at Kam's. Because the concert had sold out we worked out a deal where both shows were simulcast into Kam's. And Harry was going to arrive and sing a few songs between shows.
So we head out of the side door of the Auditorium to walk over to Kam's. Now picture 1800 people in line on the UI quad waiting to get in a show at 9:45 PM. Harry and I were walking by and Harry, always the jester, says "hey what's going on here?" Someone answered "we're going to a Chapin concert. Harry said, "he sucks, don't waste your time." And someone yelled "it's Harry....!!" So we start running full speed to Kam's to get away from the crowd.
We got back in time for the second show and afterwards had the band and Harry of course back at the fraternity house. At about 3 in the morning, Tom Kappelman and I got Harry into the back seat of his car and drove him to O'Hare.
We raised about $25,000 for World Hunger Year that day. In today's world that would probably be in the neighborhood of $150,000. And between the pizza slices, and the t-shirts sold, and record albums signed, touched a lot of people on one great day.
I suppose that the moral to this story is that it's ok to have a dream and follow it. Harry dreamed of a world where every person had a food to eat for every meal. Not because of food drives, but because people were taught how to raise and care for food and the land. A few years later Harry died in an auto accident on his way to a benefit concert. For me, Harry planted the seeds of always giving back. No matter what the cost was to you in time, or effort. I have tried to fertilize those seeds my whole life.
As Harry often said, "Keep the change!"
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Harry Chapin Stories Part One
So yesterday I mentioned that I was a Harry Chapin fan. What I didn't mention is that I got to know Harry when I was in college. I thought it might be fun to tell my Harry Chapin Story today.
I was a freshman at the U of I. And I had already become a Chapin fan. I am not sure when or where I first discovered Harry's music, but I know that I used to listen to his music in the undergrad library while I was studying. I read in the newspaper that he was going to appear in the ZBT Dance a Thon at Huff Gym. And of course I had to go and see him in person. A few days before the concert I heard they planned on auctioning off tickets to fly with Harry on a Lear Jet to Oklahoma City. Being the bold negotiator I am, I called someone from ZBT and asked what they hoped to auction the seats for. The guy on the other end said they hoped to raise $75 per seat. So I said, if I give you $75 can I have a seat. He said yes.
I went to the concert and sure enough I had a seat on the plane. After the show, 7 of us boarded a bus and then a jet and flew to Oklahoma City with Harry. A funny aside, when we landed I had a call to make, so I went and used the pay phone, (no cells in this era) and missed the limo to the concert. But I got a cab to drive me and got in back stage.
Harry talked about his experiences in Champaign during the flight and back stage. At one point he said that one of his 5 all time favorite shows was at the UI Auditorium on the quad. He said that he got his first standing ovation ever during a show after playing "Mail Order Annie." I mentioned to him that the library had a copy of that show and that I had listened to it several times. He told me he would like a copy of it, and gave me his address to send it to.
When I got back to Champaign I went to the library and asked them for a copy. They said, "only Harry Chapin can request a copy." So, I sent a letter to Harry and he sent me back a letter formally requesting a copy. I got it, sent it and in return he sent me tickets for his show in Chicago in the fall, with back stage passes of course.
One of the things we talked about in Oklahoma City was his commitment to benefit concerts. Harry played over 300 shows a year, 200 of which were benefits. He firmly believed he was blessed with a gift and was "obligated to share it." He said that he had started his own charity, World Hunger Year, and that he wished he could come to Champaign and do a benefit for his own charity. This got the wheels spinning in my head. What if I could produce a benefit concert for Harry?
By the time the show in Chicago came around I had done some research. And indeed came up with a plan to produce a show at the Auditorium for Harry. Now all I needed was for him to say yes. So between shows in Chicago I boldly asked him if he would consider it. He said yes! He put me in touch with his agent and said, 'work it out'.
Over the next year and a half I worked out a date. I meet with the Mayors of Champaign and Urbana and convinced them they should give the keys to the city to Harry. That they should proclaim it Harry Chapin Day in the twin cities in honor of his love of the cities and his devotion to charity. Guess what, they all agreed.
Harry's agent told me that Harry was flying in at about noon and that we had him all day to raise money. We could do anything we wanted, appearances, fund raisers, etc, just make sure that money went to the charity. And 'oh by the way' President Carter was going to appoint Harry to the "President's Council on World Hunger" and that would happen that day as well, so we needed to have a news conference.
Together with about 8 guys from my fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi, we went about planning and organizing the day. Press conference at 2, appearances from 3-5, dinner at a sorority a 5:30, 2 concerts starting at 7, and then an post concert party. Our obligation, make sure we maximized the money and got Harry to O'Hare by 5:30 AM for a flight.
About a month before the event I got a call from the student affairs office. The Vice Chancellor wanted to meet with me. Turns out there was a university policy against student organizations booking concerts where the contract was over $10,000. Oh my! First I met with one of the Vice Chancellor's assistants who broke the news officially to me. But I asked to meet directly with the Vice Chancellor. His name was Stan Levy and this was the first time I met him. I pleaded my case to him, outlined the entire project and the money we stood to raise for world hunger, that the President of the United States was going to call in to the press conference, etc, etc. Stan looked at me and said, "if the University has a policy that prohibits a project like this, then maybe we need to consider a way to change the policy." Wow! I never expected that. Stan pointed me in the direction of Sue Snowden who was the president of Star Course, a student run booking agency on campus with permission to sign acts like Chapin.
Sue was amazing! She agreed to co-sponsor the event with us and help us work out the things we didn't know how to do: sell tickets, set up a concert, security, etc. It was a blessing for sure! Sue and I became close friends and she went about teaching me how to produce an event. I probably have used the things she taught me 1000 times since then, so it was time well spent.
The shows sold out in about 2 days and Harry Chapin Day in Champaign was ready to present. I'll write more about the event in my next blog!
I was a freshman at the U of I. And I had already become a Chapin fan. I am not sure when or where I first discovered Harry's music, but I know that I used to listen to his music in the undergrad library while I was studying. I read in the newspaper that he was going to appear in the ZBT Dance a Thon at Huff Gym. And of course I had to go and see him in person. A few days before the concert I heard they planned on auctioning off tickets to fly with Harry on a Lear Jet to Oklahoma City. Being the bold negotiator I am, I called someone from ZBT and asked what they hoped to auction the seats for. The guy on the other end said they hoped to raise $75 per seat. So I said, if I give you $75 can I have a seat. He said yes.
I went to the concert and sure enough I had a seat on the plane. After the show, 7 of us boarded a bus and then a jet and flew to Oklahoma City with Harry. A funny aside, when we landed I had a call to make, so I went and used the pay phone, (no cells in this era) and missed the limo to the concert. But I got a cab to drive me and got in back stage.
Harry talked about his experiences in Champaign during the flight and back stage. At one point he said that one of his 5 all time favorite shows was at the UI Auditorium on the quad. He said that he got his first standing ovation ever during a show after playing "Mail Order Annie." I mentioned to him that the library had a copy of that show and that I had listened to it several times. He told me he would like a copy of it, and gave me his address to send it to.
When I got back to Champaign I went to the library and asked them for a copy. They said, "only Harry Chapin can request a copy." So, I sent a letter to Harry and he sent me back a letter formally requesting a copy. I got it, sent it and in return he sent me tickets for his show in Chicago in the fall, with back stage passes of course.
One of the things we talked about in Oklahoma City was his commitment to benefit concerts. Harry played over 300 shows a year, 200 of which were benefits. He firmly believed he was blessed with a gift and was "obligated to share it." He said that he had started his own charity, World Hunger Year, and that he wished he could come to Champaign and do a benefit for his own charity. This got the wheels spinning in my head. What if I could produce a benefit concert for Harry?
By the time the show in Chicago came around I had done some research. And indeed came up with a plan to produce a show at the Auditorium for Harry. Now all I needed was for him to say yes. So between shows in Chicago I boldly asked him if he would consider it. He said yes! He put me in touch with his agent and said, 'work it out'.
Over the next year and a half I worked out a date. I meet with the Mayors of Champaign and Urbana and convinced them they should give the keys to the city to Harry. That they should proclaim it Harry Chapin Day in the twin cities in honor of his love of the cities and his devotion to charity. Guess what, they all agreed.
Harry's agent told me that Harry was flying in at about noon and that we had him all day to raise money. We could do anything we wanted, appearances, fund raisers, etc, just make sure that money went to the charity. And 'oh by the way' President Carter was going to appoint Harry to the "President's Council on World Hunger" and that would happen that day as well, so we needed to have a news conference.
Together with about 8 guys from my fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi, we went about planning and organizing the day. Press conference at 2, appearances from 3-5, dinner at a sorority a 5:30, 2 concerts starting at 7, and then an post concert party. Our obligation, make sure we maximized the money and got Harry to O'Hare by 5:30 AM for a flight.
About a month before the event I got a call from the student affairs office. The Vice Chancellor wanted to meet with me. Turns out there was a university policy against student organizations booking concerts where the contract was over $10,000. Oh my! First I met with one of the Vice Chancellor's assistants who broke the news officially to me. But I asked to meet directly with the Vice Chancellor. His name was Stan Levy and this was the first time I met him. I pleaded my case to him, outlined the entire project and the money we stood to raise for world hunger, that the President of the United States was going to call in to the press conference, etc, etc. Stan looked at me and said, "if the University has a policy that prohibits a project like this, then maybe we need to consider a way to change the policy." Wow! I never expected that. Stan pointed me in the direction of Sue Snowden who was the president of Star Course, a student run booking agency on campus with permission to sign acts like Chapin.
Sue was amazing! She agreed to co-sponsor the event with us and help us work out the things we didn't know how to do: sell tickets, set up a concert, security, etc. It was a blessing for sure! Sue and I became close friends and she went about teaching me how to produce an event. I probably have used the things she taught me 1000 times since then, so it was time well spent.
The shows sold out in about 2 days and Harry Chapin Day in Champaign was ready to present. I'll write more about the event in my next blog!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Special Friends! Thank you
When I was a bit younger...ok a lot younger, I was a huge fan of Harry Chapin. He was a classic singer/songwriter of the 70's and 80's. Today's generation might know the song "Cat's in the Cradle" that he wrote and was covered by Guns and Roses. But in the late 70's it was a hit all on it's own. Harry wrote a lot of great music, basically story songs, and would get on stage about 300 times a year and sing and tell all of his stories. One of his family's favorites was "Circle" a song he always ended every show with and also sang at "weddings, funerals, graduations and holidays." It was a great song, with great lyrics and a deep meaning. One of my favorite lines in this song is "old friends, they mean much more to me than the new friends, because they can see where you are, and they know where you've been."
One of my oldest friends is Brenda. Now I have known Brenda since high school. Back in the day we worked together on the school newspaper. I was sports editor and she did about everything, including features editor I think. Most of all she typed all of my columns and stories so they would fit in the paper! She was a special friend. We had a group of about 6 or 8 of us that hung out all the time. Not your typical clique, just a random group of students who all connected in some way or another through the newspaper.
Brenda and I grew to be very close friends, and then at some point we grew apart. That happens with high school friendships for sure.
I hadn't heard from her for about 20 years and really had no idea where she ended up. Then a few years ago we were planning a reunion. While I didn't track her down before the reunion, I did find out that she was living and working in Florida. Ironically, she was working with Pepsico, and in fact we had both worked for Pepsi in different divisions at the same time.
The good news is that we reconnected, and since then have kept in touch thanks to emails, cards and holidays. She never forgets my birthday or Christmas. In fact some years the only gift I have gotten was from her. This isn't a sympathy plea! My family is spread out and we don't always get together for the holidays. But, Brenda has never forgotten.
Two weeks ago there was a beautiful fresh wreath at my door. She started that tradition a few years ago. And last week there was a BIG BOX on the doorstep. I can't wait to open it!
But back to Harry Chapin... Brenda is in fact a very old friend! And indeed she means more to me than most of the new friends I've gathered in the last few years. I'm very lucky she remembers me!
One of my oldest friends is Brenda. Now I have known Brenda since high school. Back in the day we worked together on the school newspaper. I was sports editor and she did about everything, including features editor I think. Most of all she typed all of my columns and stories so they would fit in the paper! She was a special friend. We had a group of about 6 or 8 of us that hung out all the time. Not your typical clique, just a random group of students who all connected in some way or another through the newspaper.
Brenda and I grew to be very close friends, and then at some point we grew apart. That happens with high school friendships for sure.
I hadn't heard from her for about 20 years and really had no idea where she ended up. Then a few years ago we were planning a reunion. While I didn't track her down before the reunion, I did find out that she was living and working in Florida. Ironically, she was working with Pepsico, and in fact we had both worked for Pepsi in different divisions at the same time.
The good news is that we reconnected, and since then have kept in touch thanks to emails, cards and holidays. She never forgets my birthday or Christmas. In fact some years the only gift I have gotten was from her. This isn't a sympathy plea! My family is spread out and we don't always get together for the holidays. But, Brenda has never forgotten.
Two weeks ago there was a beautiful fresh wreath at my door. She started that tradition a few years ago. And last week there was a BIG BOX on the doorstep. I can't wait to open it!
But back to Harry Chapin... Brenda is in fact a very old friend! And indeed she means more to me than most of the new friends I've gathered in the last few years. I'm very lucky she remembers me!
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