A Message to the New Pledges of the World. The 10 (or so) things I wish I had known when I was a pledge.

I was invited to speak to the pledges of all of the fraternities on campus last night.  What a humbling experience.  I thought I would share my thoughts with you.  First let me say these thoughts are not original.  I asked many friends, brothers and staff to share with me "what would you like me to tell 1000 or so pledges in Greek System.  I got a lot of great responses and narrowed them to about "10 or so things I wish I had known when I was a pledge"  Let me share them now.

I asked everyone to stand and shake hands with the people around them.  The room was filled with future leaders of the world: Doctors who will find cures to cancer, men who will work on the Mars project, senators and congressmen, CEO's of major companies.  Here in this room were some of the most brilliant men in the world.  They just didn't realize it yet.

Then I presented the list.

#1.  Be a sponge.  Learn everything you can about the chapter, the national fraternity, the university and the alumni.  Now is the time to build your foundation.  The more you know, the easier it will be to establish a network in the future.

#2. Wear your Letters and Colors with Pride.  We need to tell the community and the campus who you are.  Whether you are on campus wearing your fraternity colors, or back home wearing the orange and blue, we want everyone to know you are part of our Greek system and our University.

#3.  You are no one's personal servant.  Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863.  That freed you!  You are not required to clean someone's house, room or apartment (except maybe your own).  You are no one's Merry Maid, Uber driver or Grub Hub delivery man.  Your role now is to learn about your history, meet your brothers and find where you fit in.  If someone in your chapter has a problem with this, call me or someone in the Greek Affairs office.

#4. Venture past your front sidewalk.  There is a whole world out there beyond your fraternity property line.  Find clubs and organizations you love.  Get involved.  Share your talent and wisdom with other organizations and other students.

#5. Own you actions.  Everything you do is is based on the choices you make.  It's not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument or your age that is to blame.  You and ONLY you are responsible for EVERY choice you make! Period.  If you decide to drink until you black out, own it, and own the consequences.  If you chose to use drugs, harass women, steal or lie it's a choice you have made. Being in a Fraternity is not a license to break the law.  Own it and if necessary.....

#6. Ask for Help.  You are surrounded by people who want to help you.  I believe the that ages 18-20 are the most difficult ages in your life.  You will be faced with making decisions without your parents help.  Things like alcohol, drugs, cheating, sex etc. These can be tough to figure out.  It's likely you may make mistakes.  Welcome to the club.  We have all made bad decisions in our lives.  You can learn amazing things from your mistakes when you are not busy denying them.  All of us, the alumni, faculty, staff, counselors, are here because we want to work with college students.  Seek us out. We won't judge you.  We will help you.

#7. Get off the fence.  In a 100 man chapter there are 20 leaders, 20 idiots, and 60 men sitting on the fence waiting and wondering if they should be a leader.  Get off the fence.  Whether on campus or in the chapter "step in and step up" to leadership.  Don't wait a year to get involved. Join a committee, shadow an officer, ask the president where and how you can help.  I promise you there is a role for you.  The time is now.  Don't wait for your turn.

#8. Embrace Diversity.  If you haven't figured this out by now you need to.  This is one of the most diverse campuses in the world.  114 countries, over 11,000 international students.  The world literally is out on the quad waiting to be discovered.  Meet as many students as you can.  Learn about their culture.  Find out why they might chose this campus in the middle of a cornfield.  The stories are amazing.  And by the way, having members from around the world only makes your chapter better.

#9. Become an Active Bystander.  See it, stop it, get help.  We need to police ourselves.  The Greek system is stereotyped with many horrible images.  We have earned these designations based on our actions.  If you think a brother is suffering from mental health issues and is possibly suicidal, talk to him, lead him to help.  This also applies to brothers who abuse alcohol and drugs.  Find help.  And no issue is more serious that preventing sexual harassment and assault.  Stop it before it's a problem.  If you don't feel comfortable confronting them, get help.  Find another brother or officer to intervene.

#10.  Make Every DAY Matter.  This is my personal mantra.  No one has been promised they will be here tomorrow.  Things happen.  I was diagnosed 4 years ago with stage 4 colorectal cancer.  It had spread to 6 areas in my body.  I had an expiration date.  And after 45 chemo treatments and support from friends, brothers, family and God, I am cancer free.  The lesson learned, don't waste time.  Make Every DAY Matter.  Ask yourself every night before you fall asleep, "what could I have done differently to make a difference in someones life today?"  What could I have done to make today a better day for me and those around me.

Finally I shared a passage I received from a brother I admire very much.  He graduated two years ago and is a pre-med student.

The U of I has one of the richest Greek traditions in the entire collegiate system. It has never been more important than now to uphold and improve the positive, enriching aspects of Greek life and stamp out the harmful, negative aspects. The class of 2023 has the power to effect great change in their organizations, but it's up to them to decide what kind of change it will be.

Pledging is an exciting time and should be enjoyed. The connections made in this process and through your time as active members will last a lifetime. Chances are you'll meet your best man or future business partner. But don't allow a sense of responsibility to your pledge process outweigh your academic commitments. You are all students enrolled at one of the top universities at the entire world before you are members of your respective organizations. 

UI Greek Alum, Class of '17

My last challenge to you all.  

When you bring honor to yourself you bring honor to your chapter, you bring honor to your fraternity, your university and the entire Greek system.

When you dishonor yourself, you dishonor your chapter, your fraternity, your university and the entire Greek system.  

Make us Proud! 

Surviving Cancer, an essay by Michael Markstahler

One of my friends on Facebook, Michael Markstahler, posted this essay on his experiences with cancer.  It is so eloquently written that I asked if I could share it on my post.  So many of Michael's experiences were also my experiences.  Thank you Michael for permission to share with my other friends.

Cancer is one of those words that makes you go quiet. For a large number of people what they hear is “now you are going to die”. Because of this profound meaning, learning you have cancer gets your attention.

Cancer is a tricky thing. It is a mutation of cells from your own body. What caused that mutation? You will not find an honest oncologist that will tell you they know. That single fact is why we have the phrase ‘cancer survivor’ for people declared cancer free after a bout with it. One is not cured because no one knows why it first appeared.

It was the cancerous cells that were beaten back not the first cause. Not knowing the first cause leaves you with the possibility it will be back. Thus ‘cancer survivor’; so far you are still here with us, you are still surviving.

The beginning of June 2017 I was diagnosed with lymphoma. Lymphoma is a slow growing cancer. In fact in its early stages the standard protocol is ‘watchful waiting’ and doing nothing. This phase can last for years.

Mine however was not discovered until stage IV. I had already had it for years not knowing. Mine had progressed to a fast developing aggressive version. The oncologist laid out for me there was about a 16% chance of survival. There were months of chemo and anti-body therapy. This month is the one year anniversary of my being told l was cancer free.

I know some survivors march in parades, raise funds for research, radically change the direction of their life. It never affected me that way. I have led my life as a collector of experiences. Looking back, while there were a few, I think there were not many, damn stupid things I tried. Perhaps a few more simply stupid things. But mostly, I have been restless, I bore easily. I like the act of taking on something new. That is why my career ‘path’ looks like a zigzagged line rather than an advancing step by step predictor of the next phase.

I have just started my second year of ‘preventive’ immune therapy treatments designed to lower the statistical chance of re-occurrence from 25% down to about 7%. I feel fine, life is great. My wife’s fear of losing me and going on without me has subsided. We are happy.

But one should not just collect experiences for a hobby. The experiences should change you, round edges, crack you open a bit creating new different sharp edges, give you a few yet unexplored grassy knolls where you can stand up on your hind legs and get a new different look at things.

It is not the chemo. I have been sick before so I was ready to be sick with chemo. I had heard stories. Remember getting food poisoning or the flu? Imagine getting both of those together, at regularly scheduled intervals, for months and months. That is kind of like chemo. You have no choice it is something you simply endure and wade through.

No, what I learned was humility. I learned it is not about me. It is about the story of life; the ongoing rolling flow of it. I sat for hours in that room again and again quietly watching all kinds of folks, some clearly losing the battle, still going on. Some were afraid, some wrapped themselves in dignity others with a rough cloak of determination. On occasion I would read the obituary of someone I had chatted with a few weeks before. In those chats I had listened to their life stories, about their grand kids, their hopes, their plans, how the damn cancer had put things off.

One fellow told me he was getting chemo and radiation. That was to shrink the large cancerous tumor growing inside of him to a size the surgeons thought might be operable. He was running his business from that chemo chair. His foremen would pop in to get instructions for the day or to have a planning session.

Just this morning I received a telephone call from the son of a friend. He has been fighting for 18 years. Two years ago the cancer came back. He is in the hospital again. His son does not think Rock will be coming home one more time. When I first met him he had been a survivor for 15 years, excited about retirement from a career as a bartender and looking forward to immersing himself into the culture of downtown Champaign. For two years he got to do that.

My year with cancer, I like to think, helped me become more tolerant, excepting and more humble than I was before I got the call “Mr. Markstahler your scan shows tumors throughout your body, we need you to come in today for more tests.”