Starfish on the Beach

So if you read my last blog you might ask if today's generation is so difficult to work with, why then do I continue to do it?  Well, in part it's because I'm mentally deranged.  I am certain my family and friends universally support that statement.  But in larger part it's because for every 100 or so young people you struggle to help move forward there is one who makes it all worth while.  There are some truly amazing young people just outside your door.  I'm not going to lead you on by saying that every kid I work with is amazing.  Most, in fact, are blatantly average.  Young people mostly tolerate adults, because in part they are a means to an end.  "This adult can help me get a job, help me get my project done, help me get my community service hours...etc."

But...then you meet that special kid.  The one with the wide eyes and the giving hearts.  And you quickly realize that this kid might just think what you have to say is meaningful.  That maybe you know something that might be useful.  And that maybe, just maybe,  if you spend some time together the world might be a little better for it. 

I want to introduce you to 4 I have worked with in the past 5 years or so.

Ari was an excellent high school athlete.  Somewhere along the way when he was competing in a lacrosse in high school he caught a lacrosse ball...in his throat.  Now this isn't necessarily the best place to catch a lacrosse ball.  And he lived with the after effects for quite some time.  He had several medical issues as a result, including reoccurring seizures.  His athletic days were over.  Faced with these types of problems, some would cash it in.  Take an hourly job just to get by.  Not Ari.  He refocused his life and his energy towards being the best he could be.

Now most people are good at recognizing problems, flaws in the system and spend most of their lives complaining about what's wrong with the world they live in.  Ari certainly sees the problems, but unlike most, he has the ability to see the solutions. And not just the simple solution.  Ari solves problems multi-dimensionally.  He is a leader who can see OZ and every brick in the yellow brick road.  I had the pleasure of working with him as he tackled the local fraternity issues relating to recruiting, scholarship and fraternity education.  And he was destined to be President of the chapter until another seizure pulled him back another notch, requiring him to give his full attention to academics and graduation.  I often wonder what mountains we may have climbed had Ari been at his full abilities for the 4 years he was an undergraduate.  But I'm thankful our paths crossed for the time they did. 

Grant comes from a small town in west central Illinois.  Champaign was the big city for him and full of opportunities.  As a sophomore he and another student had the idea to start a philanthropy benefiting the youth in our community by providing scholarships to summer park district camp programs.  Our park districts have amazing programs in the arts, sports and education but of course not every student can afford to attend.  Grant had a vision to run a rock, paper, scissors contest on campus.  After working on it for several months, a serious road block lay in front of him to complete his mission.  We went to dinner and he spelled out the high hurdle he was facing.  We discussed it, he set a new course, and in the end his group raised more than $20,000 for the project.  It wasn't the project that impressed me so much as his resolve to find another path.  We forget sometimes that God puts road blocks in our path, not necessarily to stop us, but to make us rethink our approach and find better solutions. 

A few years later Grant had another vision.  Grant was three years into his undergraduate degree on his way to medical school.  He met with me to tell me about his plan to provide medical services to the lower income families in our county.  There were tests he could run on locals helping them to identify the potential for blood, heart and other ailments.  In order to get this done he needed to figure out a source for supplies as well as develop a network to conduct the testing.  I connected him to several churches and mission groups who dealt with the community he had envisioned reaching.  Over the course of the next two years he served hundreds.  And as a senior the Governor of the state recognized his efforts.  It's one thing to have vision, it's entirely another thing to selflessly transform visions into reality.  Ironically he is another who I hoped would be the leader of our fraternity, however why lead 100 men when you can save hundreds of lives? 

Eli and I crossed paths when he was a junior in high school.  As VP of the school's Interact club he was charged to organize and run the annual community service day in memory of a student slain in the Virginia Tech shootings.  I'm fairly confident Eli thought this would be a matter of putting together the pieces of a simple puzzle into the right form.  Little did he know the challenges in front of him. 

Certainly the pieces of the puzzle lay in front of him, however fitting them together was a far harder puzzle than he ever imagined.  He took on the role of contacting every agency we would serve.  He developed relationships with businessmen, volunteers, news media and his fellow students as well.  I'm fairly confident failure was not an option for Eli.  And through relentless determination he was able to gather more than 15 projects for 150 volunteers to work on.  He has the uncanny ability to deal with stressful situations as calmly as if he were sailing on a gentle ocean breeze.  And in that lies the secret of his success.  Successful leaders deal with stress like the rest of us deal with which channel to watch on tv.  When they see something they don't like, they simply flip to another station and move forward. 

When I meet kids who are Eagle Scouts or golf caddies, I know I probably won't be disappointed.  Eagle Scouts spend most of their youth reaching for stars most of their peers have long ago stopped even looking at.  I know I was a boy scout for about two years, then discovered baseball, football, basketball and high school.  Eagle Scouts dedicate themselves to achieving high goals and then spend a good portion of their lives achieving those goals.  Then there are golf caddies.  There are easier ways to make a living that hauling 50+ pound golf bags several miles a day.  Kids who caddy see the good and the bad of life.  They witness character flaws exaggerated as that tiny white ball flies off a club head to small hole on the horizon.  For some, caddying is just a job.  For others, it's a college level course in psychology.  They watch, they listen, they grow and they react to the people who own the bags they are carrying.

Nathan was a caddy in high school and college.  He would carry two bags at once when he could so he could earn a double fee.  I met him as a freshman.  He was as naive as an 18 year old could be.  His vision of life stretched barely beyond his nose.  And when we first met he was trying to move himself forward in the fraternity.  With his golf background he envisioned an alumni tournament at a nice course with proceeds going to the Acheson Endowment Scholarship, a fund near and dear to my heart.  He delivered on this project, raising more than $5000 for the charity.  And somewhere along the way he discovered doing things that help other people can be fun.

A year later Nathan wanted to attend our national fraternity convention.  I was national director of philanthropy at the time and our convention was in New Orleans.  As this was the summer after Katrina we arranged to spend a day with the 500+ attending undergraduates working on the Habitat for Humanity Musicians Village.  Nathan rode with me to New Orleans, meaning he had to get there in time for the Habitat project.  He was somewhat reluctant, but willing to follow my lead.  He spent the day in the rafters of the house we were working on.  It was 100 degrees with humidity in the high range.  Miserable was an understatement.  It was hard not to be moved as you walked around the 9th ward and saw the writings on each home with the numbers of the dead from the aftermath of the hurricane.  But, Nathan got the community service bug that day.  He met the family who would start a new life and move into this house.  He came to the realization he could take a little of his time and change the lives of the people around him.  On the drive home he spoke non stop about the potential for organizing his friends to go back to New Orleans to continue to help those in need. Over the next two winter break Nathan organized groups to go back to New Orleans on work to help those still suffering.  These were people he did not know, and probably won't meet again in his lifetime.  But he knew he could give his time and change lives. 

When he graduated from college Nathan joined the Peace Corp.  He has spent the past two years in a small village in southern Africa teaching students about computers and math and music and life.  He now thinks about others long before he things about himself.  And I'm humbled I played a role in the lives he continues to change.

On my wall at home is a poem.  I'm sure you may have read it, but it really summarizes why I do what I do. 

The Starfish StoryOriginal Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. 

Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?"

The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out.  If I don't throw them back, they'll die."

'"Son" the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can't make a difference!"

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf.  Then, smiling at the man, he said
"I made a difference for that one."

So, why do I do what I do?  Because Ari and Grant and Eli and Nathan were just a few of the 'starfish' I have been able to throw back in my life. 

A Look at the "Entitlement Generation"

Back to school time is always a busy time for me as several of the student groups I work with set their plans for the upcoming school year.  We sit down and look at what went well last year and what didn't go so well and then try to come up with a plan for doing it better this year.  Now if you are in business this is something you do annually and probably even more often that that.  But for students, this is monumental.  The setting plans for the coming year isn't so hard, but the reviewing the results of last year is more painful than going to the dentist's office and pulling teeth without any Novocaine or pain killers!

Today's generation doesn't want to be held accountable for anything.  If they show up, that's good enough.  I"m thinking about a speech a friend of mine gives to student groups where he laments about all the "participation trophies" his son has on the wall.  When we were growing up, we got trophies for excellence: Winning the championship, achieving the MVP status or some other relevant achievement.  Kids today get trophies for just showing up.  "You were on the team, thank you, here's your trophy." And while showing up is certainly important for the success of any organization, whether a team or a extra-curricular group, it's not the most important thing. 

This generation really shys away from dealing with "tough" situations.  In part their parents have been so protective of them that these kids haven't learned the lessons they need to learn from failure. And as they don't want to deal with the possibility of failure, they often just let the problems continue to exist.   It is as if the stigma of failing is so great that today's youth are afraid to open the door to success.  NBA Great Michael Jordan says it best:

I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying.

And comedian Bill Cosby adds:

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

In part I think one of the biggest frustrations teachers, advisors and mentors face today is that our youth just do not want to be held accountable for their mistakes when they do try and fail.  And not only do they not want to be faced with their own failure, they especially don't want to hold their peer group to mistakes they might make.  It's as if holding others to a higher standard might somehow create a higher standard for themselves they can't attain. 

Imagine a mountain climber who comes close to the peak, but doesn't quite make it to the top.  And then every other mountain climber saying, "that's just too tough!"   We all know that is not how life works.  Especially in mountain climbing.  One person's failure is another person's opportunity. 

In an article in WORLDmag.com, Anthony Bradley writes:
If the going gets tough, quit. One could also name this group the “Quitter Generation.” Virtues like patience and perseverance are absent from many in this age bracket. Coddled by affluence and sinfully flattered by parents and nice-guy teachers using speech meant not to hurt a child’s “feelings” or damage “self-esteem,” coupled with parents that refuse to let their children fail at anything, this generation bails quickly when the going gets tough or if there’s no guarantee for success. I had a student drop one of my classes once because he realized that he wasn’t going to receive an A. I’ve known students to give up and fail a class after receiving a series of bad grades instead of buckling down and working harder to raise their grades. It’s pathetic. 

Bradley's reference to coddling hits home with me.  There are so many age 16-21 who need hand holding to accomplish even the most basic tasks.  And if they get a little pouty you can be sure an adult will come and wipe their tears away and "make things better."  I can't imagine my high school coaches, teachers or my father treating me this way. 

So part of the frustration is that our youth doesn't "practice failing."  Learning how to fail and accepting that sometimes things just don't go right helps you become more accountable for failure.  Imagine a baseball player going into a deep funk everytime he made an out.  The best hitters ever were only successful 2 out of 5 attempts.  And the average player  has one of 4 successes.  People make mistakes.  Everyone who knows me knows I have made my share of mistakes.  Abraham Lincoln's life is a true inspiration to me.  I have this on my wall at work:

In 1831, Abraham Lincoln failed in a business venture.

In 1832, Lincoln was defeated as a candidate for the state legislature.

In 1833, Lincoln failed once again in another business venture.

In 1835, Lincoln's fiancee died, shattering him.

In 1836, Lincoln suffered a nervous breakdown.

In 1843, Lincoln was defeated as a candidate for the U.S. Congress.

In 1848, Lincoln once again was defeated as a candidate for the U.S. Congress.

In 1855, Lincoln was defeated as a candidate for the U.S. Senate.

In 1856, Lincoln was defeated as a candidate for U.S. Vice President.

In 1859, Lincoln once again was defeated as a candidate for the U.S. Senate.

In 1860, Abraham Lincoln was elected the 16th President of the United States of America.

Can you imagine the roller coaster his life must have been?  And he summed it up better than I ever could:

Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.    
  - Abraham Lincoln -

So I guess my thought for today is don't be afraid to try.  Don't be afraid to fail.  And don't be afraid to try again. 


Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. Theodore Roosevelt