I have a bad habit. One I am working very hard to break. I have been way too judgemental in my life. For all of you I have judged, I am truly sorry. I'm not sure where I got into that habit. I don't remember being overly judgemental in high school Maybe is was because I didn't really think I was anything special back then. I was an average athlete and a slightly above average student. I wasn't president of anything and rarely was the team captain. I had plenty of great friends and really wasn't one of those people who needed or wanted to be hang out with the "popular crowd."
But somewhere along the way I became overly judgemental. I think it was in part due to a realization that I wasn't a good or smart as I thought I was. I started to get myself involved in things where I was the leader and I really wasn't ready to lead. So I think my judgement came from a sense of insecurity on my part, a defense mechanism to find fault in others so that I could rise above them.
At that time I wanted to hold in everything, manipulate the process of whatever I was working on and not delegate the details. In part because delegating would reveal that I wasn't capable of whatever I was tasked to lead. It's truly funny to me now how afraid I was to delegate, because now I tend to over delegate.
Understanding how judgemental I was came in part from my new found faith. I don't lace scripture often in this blog, but I will now as it emphasises my point. I was reading Matthew and came across this:
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Mathew 7: 1-2
And it started to help me begin to realize several things. First, others were judging me just as harshly as I was judging them. Second, what business of mine was it to somehow rank, place or evaluate other people's abilities. The more I thought about it and talked about it with my friends, the more I came to realize just how destructive I had become. For those that know me well, I'm sure you have seen this in me. For those that don't or maybe have only known me the past few years, maybe this is a surprise. But the truth is I let my mouth serve as my weapon and I made ill advised comments in many arenas in my life.
Now I know that this is like many other forms of addiction. And like other addictions there are people I may have hurt or disappointed who now have fairly judged me as someone they don't want to be around. But, like other addicts, all you can do is press forward one day at a time, repair relationships where you can, and make sure that new relationships are built on a more firm foundation.
Keep the change!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Oranges!
Ok, so since this is my blog, it's ok if I think something is the greatest gift, food wise, from God. And I just happen to think there is no finer food in this world of ours than oranges. Of course I'm partial to the color orange being an Illini and all, but that's not why I love them.
Oranges are the perfect combination of sweetness, texture, ease of consumption and overall flavor. Not all oranges mind you. I'm very much biased toward navel oranges. I've eaten more than my share in my life. And this time of year is my favorite for two reasons.
1. The weather warms up, and I truly hate cold weather
and
2. Oranges are in season.
(3. would normally be the start of March Madness, which I love, except when my team is playing awful and I know it will be an early exit from the tourney)
So why an orange vs say, all the other fruits in the world
Here's my logic. Let me take a few popular other varieties.
Apples - Good flavor. Not too juicy. But after a few, they are just boring. They are good alternatives to Oranges in the off season.
Peach - Come on, just what do you do with the pits. They are good, but often too messy.
Nectarine - Hard to get a ripe one. Nearly perfect, but once again the pit gets in the way.
Tangerine - Love them, however one tangerine does not equal one orange in volume or flavor. Often have seeds as well.
Banana - Just not enough in each serving. Again ok, but boring after long stretches.
Pears - Probably biased here because they are either not ripe enough, or too ripe. Hard to get the perfect pear. But good when you finally get one.
Tomato - Yes a tomato is a fruit. Love them off the vine! My second favorite to oranges when they are in season.
So, that''s my lesson for the day. Oranges Rock! (and a good gift idea as well if you are wondering what you should buy me! )
Keep the change!
Oranges are the perfect combination of sweetness, texture, ease of consumption and overall flavor. Not all oranges mind you. I'm very much biased toward navel oranges. I've eaten more than my share in my life. And this time of year is my favorite for two reasons.
1. The weather warms up, and I truly hate cold weather
and
2. Oranges are in season.
(3. would normally be the start of March Madness, which I love, except when my team is playing awful and I know it will be an early exit from the tourney)
So why an orange vs say, all the other fruits in the world
Here's my logic. Let me take a few popular other varieties.
Apples - Good flavor. Not too juicy. But after a few, they are just boring. They are good alternatives to Oranges in the off season.
Peach - Come on, just what do you do with the pits. They are good, but often too messy.
Nectarine - Hard to get a ripe one. Nearly perfect, but once again the pit gets in the way.
Tangerine - Love them, however one tangerine does not equal one orange in volume or flavor. Often have seeds as well.
Banana - Just not enough in each serving. Again ok, but boring after long stretches.
Pears - Probably biased here because they are either not ripe enough, or too ripe. Hard to get the perfect pear. But good when you finally get one.
Tomato - Yes a tomato is a fruit. Love them off the vine! My second favorite to oranges when they are in season.
So, that''s my lesson for the day. Oranges Rock! (and a good gift idea as well if you are wondering what you should buy me! )
Keep the change!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
As the ball bounces...35 years in striped shirts
Many of you know that I referee basketball. In fact I am completing my 35th year refereeing basketball this season. That is a long time! I played basketball in high school and got to know a few local referees. They encouraged me to get started, and when I came to college I saw a poster for jobs on campus refereeing at IMPE (that's the ARC for the newer students). I estimate I have officiated over 4,000 games in my life. More than 1000 of those were in my first four years when it wasn't uncommon for me to referee 8-10 games a day. There were always games to work in the intramural program and the park district. And high school games at the freshmen level never ended.
You figure that out in time spent and you get over 166 twenty four hour days spent on the court and when you include travel time, waiting time, clinics, meetings and seminars I have probably spent close to a year and a half of my life with basketball. I guess I should have learned something in that amount of time.
Some of my very best friends are referees. LOL, that is the kind of comment that will get you committed. But it's true. There is a sort of fraternal bond that comes from suiting up in the stripes and taking on the nightly challenge of officiating the perfect game. Now I'm not saying at all I have ever accomplished that feat. But I've tried, and along with my partners have come close a few times.
I get asked a lot what the hardest call in basketball is. TV announcers will say it's the block/charge. What do they know? It's certainly not the easiest call as it tends to happen quickly. But it's not the hardest. I tend to think half court traps at center court are hard to get right. Largely due to the fact you can't always get in good position to see the play. There are lots of bodies between you and the action so it makes it harder.
I've learned a lot about life running up and down wood floors. I want to share with you some of life's lessons I learned officiating basketball.
1. Rules are important, but they shouldn't rule your life.
The game is filled with rules, traveling, double dribble, in bounds, out of bounds, back court, 3 seconds. But the rules are written to make sure someone doesn't gain an unfair advantage. I think we should live our lives that way too. If you think about the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer maybe that makes more sense. If a player is straddling the paint, and he doesn't get the ball, technically it's 3 seconds, but in fact he or she hasn't gotten an advantage. Sort of like the person who drives 70 in a 65 speed zone. It's broken rule, but ..
2. When you hustle to get in good position, you're more likely to get the call right.
Basketball officiating relies on you seeing the call correctly. If you get yourself in the right position to see it, you're more likely to get it right. If that means moving a bit to the left or right or running just a little bit faster, then you need to do it. Life is like that too, sometimes we sit back and wait for life to knock on our doors. If you get up off the couch and work hard to interact with the world, you're more likely to get life right.
3. Trust your partner.
In basketball officials have areas on the court that are your primary area of responsibility. So for example if you are under the basket, your primary area may be in the lane. When you are an outside official, your primary area might be the top of the key. We get in trouble as officials when we try to see and call fouls in someone else's primary area. In fact studies show 75% of calls made outside your primary area are wrong. So, you have to trust your partner to make the right call. Hmm, doesn't that seem to carry over to work, relationships and family? If someone is focused on something outside of your "area" isn't it more likely they may get it right?
4. Let the game come to you.
Don't confuse this with my earlier point of getting in good position. What I mean by this is that sometimes we try to force our will on the game. We start calling every touch foul, every violation, every little thing that happens. Instead, sometimes we just need to let the game flow. Stay focused on our responsibility and react to the action on the floor instead of creating action. I know in my life there are times when I have tried to make things change that may not of needed changing. You may call that stubbornness. Life is more fun when you interact with your surrounding rather than constantly react to every little change.
5. Even when you're right, sometimes you're wrong.
I said earlier that I've officiated over 4000 games in my life. Just imagine that in an average game the referee might have to make 50 decisions. Did she travel? Was that a foul? Did the clock expire before the shot? I'll use 50 for this example but I'm guessing the number is much higher, maybe 100 decisions per game. Anyway, I can honestly say I have never tried to change a game or change a call based on the team, the coach, the player, the circumstance, based on anything. Have I missed a call? You bet. I probably miss 2 or 3 or more every game. Sometimes I just don't have the right angle. Sometimes I see the play and don't react quickly enough. Sometimes I see it and decide to let it go. But I don't get them all right.
Do the missed calls haunt me? Not really. It's part of the game and I'm only human. For the most part I have forgotten about the game within a few days whether good or bad. Not that there aren't calls and games that haunt me. Using the earlier example I said there 50 calls a game over 4000 games, that's more than 200,000 calls in my life. Of those 200,000 there are 4 calls I made that I think about. They happened at important times in the games making them more memorable. Did I call them right? For 3 of the 4 I think I did. However, I may not have been in the right position. I called what I saw, and others saw it differently. For the 4th call, I would say I just flat out called it wrong. But, just like in life, when you thought you made the right decisions based on the information you had at the time, you still may have made the wrong decision. Basketball is no different.
6. Even when you're wrong, sometimes you're right
On the flip side of the previous argument is the idea there are calls in basketball I thought I got wrong that later proved to be right. Again, it may have been a guess, a result of not being in the right position, but in the end, it was the right call. Or maybe it was a technical foul when a coach or player crossed the line only to find out later they were drunk, or high or having other issues. So, it's OK to guess once in a while and make the best choice you can.
7. But, when you know you're wrong, admit it and move on...
In basketball there are no do overs. There are times when you just flat out anticipate the action and make the wrong call. It looked like she was going to foul, but didn't. Or maybe it looked like the home team was going to tap the ball out of bounds but didn't. Unfortunately, once you blow the whistle you're stuck with the call. And sometimes your mouth gets ahead of your brain and makes a call that your brain doesn't agree with. With an out of bounds call your partner (trust your partner) can help you. But with a foul for example it's pretty hard to take it back. So, you live with it. If a coach asks me what I was thinking, I may just say
"I may have missed that one." Great coaches understand and move on. Great referees do the same.
I've had lots of fun blowing the whistle. It's a great game to watch and be a part of. But then, so is life in general.
You figure that out in time spent and you get over 166 twenty four hour days spent on the court and when you include travel time, waiting time, clinics, meetings and seminars I have probably spent close to a year and a half of my life with basketball. I guess I should have learned something in that amount of time.
Some of my very best friends are referees. LOL, that is the kind of comment that will get you committed. But it's true. There is a sort of fraternal bond that comes from suiting up in the stripes and taking on the nightly challenge of officiating the perfect game. Now I'm not saying at all I have ever accomplished that feat. But I've tried, and along with my partners have come close a few times.
I get asked a lot what the hardest call in basketball is. TV announcers will say it's the block/charge. What do they know? It's certainly not the easiest call as it tends to happen quickly. But it's not the hardest. I tend to think half court traps at center court are hard to get right. Largely due to the fact you can't always get in good position to see the play. There are lots of bodies between you and the action so it makes it harder.
I've learned a lot about life running up and down wood floors. I want to share with you some of life's lessons I learned officiating basketball.
1. Rules are important, but they shouldn't rule your life.
The game is filled with rules, traveling, double dribble, in bounds, out of bounds, back court, 3 seconds. But the rules are written to make sure someone doesn't gain an unfair advantage. I think we should live our lives that way too. If you think about the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer maybe that makes more sense. If a player is straddling the paint, and he doesn't get the ball, technically it's 3 seconds, but in fact he or she hasn't gotten an advantage. Sort of like the person who drives 70 in a 65 speed zone. It's broken rule, but ..
2. When you hustle to get in good position, you're more likely to get the call right.
Basketball officiating relies on you seeing the call correctly. If you get yourself in the right position to see it, you're more likely to get it right. If that means moving a bit to the left or right or running just a little bit faster, then you need to do it. Life is like that too, sometimes we sit back and wait for life to knock on our doors. If you get up off the couch and work hard to interact with the world, you're more likely to get life right.
3. Trust your partner.
In basketball officials have areas on the court that are your primary area of responsibility. So for example if you are under the basket, your primary area may be in the lane. When you are an outside official, your primary area might be the top of the key. We get in trouble as officials when we try to see and call fouls in someone else's primary area. In fact studies show 75% of calls made outside your primary area are wrong. So, you have to trust your partner to make the right call. Hmm, doesn't that seem to carry over to work, relationships and family? If someone is focused on something outside of your "area" isn't it more likely they may get it right?
4. Let the game come to you.
Don't confuse this with my earlier point of getting in good position. What I mean by this is that sometimes we try to force our will on the game. We start calling every touch foul, every violation, every little thing that happens. Instead, sometimes we just need to let the game flow. Stay focused on our responsibility and react to the action on the floor instead of creating action. I know in my life there are times when I have tried to make things change that may not of needed changing. You may call that stubbornness. Life is more fun when you interact with your surrounding rather than constantly react to every little change.
5. Even when you're right, sometimes you're wrong.
I said earlier that I've officiated over 4000 games in my life. Just imagine that in an average game the referee might have to make 50 decisions. Did she travel? Was that a foul? Did the clock expire before the shot? I'll use 50 for this example but I'm guessing the number is much higher, maybe 100 decisions per game. Anyway, I can honestly say I have never tried to change a game or change a call based on the team, the coach, the player, the circumstance, based on anything. Have I missed a call? You bet. I probably miss 2 or 3 or more every game. Sometimes I just don't have the right angle. Sometimes I see the play and don't react quickly enough. Sometimes I see it and decide to let it go. But I don't get them all right.
Do the missed calls haunt me? Not really. It's part of the game and I'm only human. For the most part I have forgotten about the game within a few days whether good or bad. Not that there aren't calls and games that haunt me. Using the earlier example I said there 50 calls a game over 4000 games, that's more than 200,000 calls in my life. Of those 200,000 there are 4 calls I made that I think about. They happened at important times in the games making them more memorable. Did I call them right? For 3 of the 4 I think I did. However, I may not have been in the right position. I called what I saw, and others saw it differently. For the 4th call, I would say I just flat out called it wrong. But, just like in life, when you thought you made the right decisions based on the information you had at the time, you still may have made the wrong decision. Basketball is no different.
6. Even when you're wrong, sometimes you're right
On the flip side of the previous argument is the idea there are calls in basketball I thought I got wrong that later proved to be right. Again, it may have been a guess, a result of not being in the right position, but in the end, it was the right call. Or maybe it was a technical foul when a coach or player crossed the line only to find out later they were drunk, or high or having other issues. So, it's OK to guess once in a while and make the best choice you can.
7. But, when you know you're wrong, admit it and move on...
In basketball there are no do overs. There are times when you just flat out anticipate the action and make the wrong call. It looked like she was going to foul, but didn't. Or maybe it looked like the home team was going to tap the ball out of bounds but didn't. Unfortunately, once you blow the whistle you're stuck with the call. And sometimes your mouth gets ahead of your brain and makes a call that your brain doesn't agree with. With an out of bounds call your partner (trust your partner) can help you. But with a foul for example it's pretty hard to take it back. So, you live with it. If a coach asks me what I was thinking, I may just say
"I may have missed that one." Great coaches understand and move on. Great referees do the same.
I've had lots of fun blowing the whistle. It's a great game to watch and be a part of. But then, so is life in general.
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